I am a veteran of the United States Armed Forces. I am NOT a combat veteran, but I swore an oath to defend the Constitution of the United States of America, against all enemies, foreign and domestic. And to obey the orders of the officers appointed over me.

If you have not sworn the same oath as I have, and the few others like me, please do not attempt to pass yourself off as one of us. We WILL find you out. And we WILL take offense. And if given the opportunity, some of us WILL correct your malfunction; physically, if and when possible.

Enough..

In America, from the time that we are small children, just old enough to understand the concept of wanting something that we don't just automatically get, we are told that all we have to do is want it enough. If you want to be a doctor, all you have to do is study hard and want it enough. If you want to be an athlete, work hard and want it enough. If you want to be a firefighter, just be brave and want it enough.

If you really love her, all you have to do is tell her how you feel, and want her enough...

What our parents, our family members and our role models never tell us when we are children, though, is that when it's another person that we want, it takes more than just wanting them enough. They have to want you back.

I could be a doctor if I studied enough. I could be a professional hockey player, even at the age of 33, if I simply worked hard enough. And I've been a firefighter. Lord knows I've been brave enough to do many things that most people would cower from.

But no one on this planet can tell me that I simply haven't been there enough, sacrificed enough, or worked hard enough to earn the love and respect of the woman that I care most about in this world. And yet she continues to turn away from me.

You see, the other things in life are simply academic. It's true; almost anyone in the world can be a doctor, or a lawyer, or a football player. Even an astronaut. All they have to do is work enough, study enough and stay focused enough. If you make the grades, mentally and/or physically, the goal is static. It stays where you can see it, and it is forever achieveable.

Love, however, is dependent on the thoughts and feelings of another person. So it is fleeting. It's dynamic and ever changing. It's shifty, like Mohammed Ali. It floats like a butterfly...and stings like an Abrams tank. Just when you think you have a firm grasp on it, that beautiful little dove will turn around, bite you in the hand, and fly away. And probably crap on your nice clean car as it passes over, just to add insult to injury.

So for now, I'm done. I'm tired and I need to rest and reset my life; cleanse my heart and mind of the the toxicity that I've exposed myself to. Things will get better over time. In fact, I think it's already started. Today was a big first step. And tomorrow will be another one.

Brotherhood

Just thought I'd throw this out there.

I am currently reading 1..2..3....4, books right now lol. But one of them is entitled "The Colonels." It is the fourth in a series of books called "The Brotherhood of War" written by W.E.B. Griffin.

I've read this series at least 6 times now and these books still make me laugh and cry. They invoke memories of my brief time in the military. If anyone ever wonders why or how people who serve together become as close as family, I would suggest that they pick up the first in the series called "The Lieutenants."

They are written in the most wonderful prose. The scenes are beautifully described and there is dialogue that stimulates every human emotion imaginable. Hemingway surely would've been proud.

Perfectly Flawed

I am (contrary to what most people think) normally a positive person. But I am cynical, and I suppose I'm afraid to let my positivity shine because I have been wrong so many times in my life. I'm sick of people, including my family and closest friends, telling me that I'm not doing it right, or letting myself be duped when all I try to do is see the good things that may come from my decisions.

I'm a risk taker. I always have been. And God willing, I'll continue to be one for the rest of my life. "You can't lose what you don't put in the middle. But you can't win much either." I weigh the factors of cost versus benefit, and I think that if the cost is worth it in the end, if things work out for me, I will always take the risk.

A lot of this is based on trust. Most people say that I trust too quickly, and too much. They say it's my biggest imperfection, of which I have more than a few.

I disagree. To most people when they see me, or even after they get to know me, I am very imperfect. I say that I am simply...

Perfectly flawed.

Just Breathe

I was wondering this morning, "Where and when did I lose sight of taking one day at a time?" I'm not really sure what the answer to that question is, but I think that if I could get back to that, things might get simpler and happier.

Now, don't get me wrong, there's always a place for thinking about the future, whether it's near or far. Goals and plans are important. But what I seemed to have forgotten recenlty was that a journey of a mile begins with a single step. And continues with one more step after that.

I tend to be a product of my generation, which means that I am impatient at times. I try to take that mile long journey in only one or two HUGE strides.

Now, once again, don't mistake me. There's nothing wrong with running. But before taking off at full bore, you should warm up with a good steady walk first.

So I'm gonna try and relax, take a nice walk....and JUST BREATHE.

Hello!

A very close friend of mine told me the other day that I should set up my own blog. I was lying

awake in bed (as usual) and thought, "ya know what...maybe she's right!" So, here I am, ready to

face this new internet world and try something that I've never done before. To step outside my

little comfort zone.

So, here we go!